So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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