there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
