My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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