office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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