I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
When are your genitals available?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
