I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
