I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
