you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
