my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
