Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
