i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
