***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
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