the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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