You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
