Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
