I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
