Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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