He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
