Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
