I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
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