D3 body, D1 cock
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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