Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
that's an acceptable place to lick
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
