sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I love having hate sex.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
false alarm, still single
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
