margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
