literally had 100 drinks last night.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
