the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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