it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
it was like eating out sand paper
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
