Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
