I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
