It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
