If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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