as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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