Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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