when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
