i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
