he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
