He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
