Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
When are your genitals available?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
