I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You can't motorboat a personality
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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