Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
