New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
