No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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