Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
