WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
