Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
