Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
