The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
