There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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