Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
