Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
