I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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