Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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