new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize