3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
