we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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