I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
