I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
