we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
