I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
