textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I deserve this hangover.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
