STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
