Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
