Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
