Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My vagina just recognized that song.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
