i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
