You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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