Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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