youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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