I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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