God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
