It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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