people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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