I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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