you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
