textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
