Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
