i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
