my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
