Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
