Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You need a sexual gate keeper
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
