i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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