Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
