at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
