how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
