could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Quick, to the slutcave!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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